Recent Articles

  • Newsom Hires 40 Staffers Whose Only Job Is Gently Talking Kamala Harris Out Of Running
  • NFL Security Memo Rates Riot-Torn Paris 'Significantly Safer' Than Chicago
  • Tim Walz Warns $30,000 Fraud Reward Could Create Dangerous Incentive For Minnesota Officials To Start Paying Attention
  • CNN Threatens Lawsuit Unless It Is Allowed Back On Air Force One With Man It Says Is An Existential Threat To Democracy
  • MS NOW Books 40 Therapy Dogs For Election Night In Case Democrats Lose Even One Race
  • New York Times Warns Men That Dressing Like A Grown-Up Now Makes Them Look MAGA
  • 10 Terrifying Halloween Props Guaranteed To Keep Liberals Off Your Porch
  • Mom Celebrates Finally Getting House Clean By Banning Family From Going Inside
  • TV Executives Hold Candlelight Vigil After Learning World Series Will Be Rays Vs. Brewers
  • Larry Krasner Horrified To Learn Federal Prosecutors Still Prosecute People
  • Journalists Who Spent Years Demanding Billionaires Give Back Horrified Billionaire Is Giving Back
  • Michelle Lujan Grisham Rejects 'New America' Name, Says New Mexico Identifies As Mexico
  • Cute: California Election Officials Dress Up As People Who Can Count Votes On Election Night
  • Schumer Asks FCC To Protect Democrats' Exclusive Right To Spam Your Phone
  • Man Furious Over $300 Grocery Bill Votes Early For Candidate Promising More DEI Coordinators
  • Raúl Castro Dodges Florida Arrest Warrant By Moving To Mamdani's New York, Says It Feels Just Like Home
  • 60 Minutes' Lesley Stahl Asks Why Stop Noncitizen Voting When It Only Happens A Little
  • Man's Sunday Scaries Now Start Friday At 5:01 PM, Doctors Say Monday Has Fully Spread Into His Weekend
  • CNN Assures Viewers France Is Only Experiencing 'Scuffles' As Correspondent Reports Live In Front Of Burning Town Hall
  • EU Officials Praise France For Importing A Fresh New Perspective On French History, Mainly That It's Flammable
  • French Government Reassures Citizens That Diversity Is Still Their Strength As The Strength Sets Fire To A Fourth Town Hall
  • Mom Threatens To Turn This Car Around 300 Miles Into Disney Trip, Actually Does It
  • El-Sayed Unveils Plan To Nationalize Detroit Auto Industry, Promises Every Family One Beige Car By 2041
  • Socialist Senate Candidate El-Sayed Nationalizes 8-Year-Old's Lemonade Stand, Hands Her A Tax Bill
  • Elizabeth Warren Rallies 'No Kings' Crowd Against Unchecked Power, Then Unveils Plan For Government To Run Literally Everything
  • College Football Playoff Expands To 24 Teams, Then 48, Then Everyone; National Championship Now Scheduled For Next August
  • Kamala Calls To Abolish Electoral College, Popular Vote, Primaries, And Anything Else She Could Lose
  • Dad Refuses To Turn On The Heat Before November 1 As Family Freezes Into Single Block Of Ice
  • MS NOW Stands By Report Kash Patel Landed In Russia, Issues Correction Moving Virginia To Russia
  • Media Discovers Candidate Flaws Are Only Newsworthy When the Wrong Party Has Them