Archive
Older stories from Below Average News.
- Mom Threatens To Turn This Car Around 300 Miles Into Disney Trip, Actually Does It
- El-Sayed Unveils Plan To Nationalize Detroit Auto Industry, Promises Every Family One Beige Car By 2041
- Socialist Senate Candidate El-Sayed Nationalizes 8-Year-Old's Lemonade Stand, Hands Her A Tax Bill
- Elizabeth Warren Rallies 'No Kings' Crowd Against Unchecked Power, Then Unveils Plan For Government To Run Literally Everything
- College Football Playoff Expands To 24 Teams, Then 48, Then Everyone; National Championship Now Scheduled For Next August
- Kamala Calls To Abolish Electoral College, Popular Vote, Primaries, And Anything Else She Could Lose
- Dad Refuses To Turn On The Heat Before November 1 As Family Freezes Into Single Block Of Ice
- MS NOW Stands By Report Kash Patel Landed In Russia, Issues Correction Moving Virginia To Russia
- Media Discovers Candidate Flaws Are Only Newsworthy When the Wrong Party Has Them
- Chicago Dad Teaches Son To Ride A Bike By First Teaching Him To Lock It With Six Chains
- Federal Agents Searching Ilhan Omar's Home Enter Third Day Without Finding A Single American Thing
- Kathy Griffin Files Missing Persons Report For Her Audience, Police Find Them Laughing At Shane Gillis Show
- Hillary Clinton Refuses To Concede After Her Podcast Loses To A 4-Second Joe Rogan Mic Check
- Israel Dedicates New Iron Dome Battery To Chicago Activists Who Heckled Jerry Seinfeld
- Shane Gillis Achieves What Matt Walsh Couldn't: Liberals Can Now Define A Woman
- Universities Panic After Learning DEI Might Cost Them More Than Just Their Soul
- Brandon Johnson Proposes Tax On U-Hauls Leaving Chicago
- Mamdani Unveils City-Run Grocery Store Modeled After Venezuela's
- Woke Cities That Canceled Columbus Day Still Taking The Day Off
- DSA Furious White House Put $49 Trillion Price Tag On Agenda That Was Clearly Labeled 'Free'
- Retiring Senator Bravely Reveals 30 Colleagues Secretly Agree With Him, Declines To Name Any Until They're All Dead
- California Leaders Furious Trump Would Let Iran Bomb Cities They’ve Already Made Unlivable
- University Issues Trigger Warning for the Word “Woman” After Biology Major Uses It Correctly
- Democrats Announce New Midterm Strategy: Remind Voters That Orange Man Still Bad
- Chicago Council Formally Blames Weekend's 47 Shootings On One Recalled Romaine Batch
- AI Doctor Confirms to Patient, ‘My Mistake, Amputation Was Not Necessary to Remedy Your Headache’
- LAPD Cancels All Training to Focus on Shielding Olympic Dignitaries From the Actual City of Los Angeles
- Democrats Perplexed by Government Website That Actually Works — and Didn’t Cost a Billion
- Parents Handed 17-Page Permission Slip For Field Trip To School Parking Lot
- America at 250: Free Enough to Roast the Ideas That Would Undo Her
- Woman Thrilled She Finally Found A Man Willing To Talk About Feelings On Dating App, Finds Out It's Actually Just An AI Chatbot
- Cat and Dog Populations Skyrocket in Springfield, Ohio Following Mass Deportation of Haitian Migrants
- Trump Films New 'Apprentice: World Leaders Edition,' Tells Surviving Iranian Leaders 'You're Fired!'
- WNBA Mistakenly Hires UFC Refs For Games, Angel Reese Takes Full Advantage
- School Anti-Bullying AI Flags Its Own Training Data As The Most Toxic Content It Has Ever Processed
- Crockett Introduces Bill Requiring Court Opinions To Cite Her Instagram Posts As Precedent
- Former McDonalds Worker Celebrates Birthday At White House, UFC Fight
- Man Employs World's Most Powerful AI To Write Email Saying "Approved"
- Bipartisan UFO Push: Dems & RINOs Agree To Disclose Secrets So They Can Tax The Aliens' Fair Share
- Mortal Kombat II Streaming Version Replaces All Fatalities With Affirming Hugs Following Mandatory Conflict Resolution Modules