Archive, page 2
Older stories from Below Average News.
- Ghostbusters Reboot Requires Environmental Impact Permit Before Each Ghost Trapping, Delaying Climax By 40 Minutes
- Pence Demands Return To Principled Conservatism: The One That Got Us Obamacare, Open Borders, and $35 Trillion in Debt
- White House UFC Fight Night To Feature Jill Biden VS Kamala Harris For Ultimate Showdown
- AARO UFO Alien-Hybrid DNA Search Stalls After Sample Tests Positive For Gavin Newsom
- Local Youth Flag Football League Smashing Success, Zero Participation Trophies Awarded, Community Somehow Survives
- Smart Sprinkler Keeps A Running Tally Of How Many Neighbors Have Mentioned The Lawn
- Think Tank Report: Success, Strength, and Peace Identified as 'Far-Right Extremist Threats' to Democratic Brand
- Man Who Bit ICE Agents Files Complaint Alleging ICE Failed To Provide Hannibal Lecter Mask
- Robot Vacuum Awards Itself A Performance Bonus After Cleaning The Same Room Twice
- Wellness App Awards User Badge For 847 Consecutive Days Of Chronic Stress
- Paxton Crushes Cornyn: Establishment GOP Senators Now Hiding in Bathroom Stalls Practicing Their 'I Was Always MAGA' Speeches
- Trump Says Iran Negotiating on Fumes: Liberal Media Expert Warns of Dangerous Spontaneous Patriotism Outbreak
- Man's New Light Bulb Will Not Turn On Until He Agrees To Terms Of Service
- Dad Creates ' Chorecoin' Cryptocurrency To Pay Kids For Cleaning Their Rooms, Immediately Crashes
- A24's Backrooms Film Requires Audiences To Find The Theater By Wandering Unmarked Beige Corridors With No Exits
- Man Whose Biological Age Dropped 12 Years Now Legally Attempting To Re-Enroll In Middle School
- Colbert Final Show Airs After Heroic Battle Against Both Ratings and Comedy
- Iran Announces Strait Of Hormuz Toll Booths Will Accept E-ZPass, Cash, Or Enriched Uranium
- Bank's Crack Fraud Team Sends 14 Alerts for 'Suspicious' $12.47 Chipotle Purchase, Completely Ignores $8,000 Bali Vacation Charged to Card
- No More Lattes, Kids! – Billionaire Demands, As Tuition Hits Lamborghini Prices for Gender Studies Degree
- Newsom's Office Responds To $20 Billion Debt Criticism With $2 Million Awareness Campaign About The Debt
- “The Arch is the Portal!”: LA Locals Launch Cosmic Arch Order After Mistaking Masters of the Universe Drone Show for Alien Rapture
- Man's Fitness Tracker Now Visibly Disappointed In Him
- Mechanic Charges Diagnostic Fee To Determine If Diagnostic Fee Was Necessary
- Cuba Responds To Rubio's Outreach By Formally Requesting The Sanctions Back
- Man Who Called To Dispute $48,000 Bill Receives Bill For The Call
- Trump Texts Ayatollah: 'Hey, I Just Bombed You, and This Is Crazy, But Here's My Number... So Call Me Maybe?
- Man consults Doctor ChatGPT, Which Tells Him He's Fine And Schedules A Follow-Up With Itself
- Weather App Recommends Grilling As Simi Valley Wildfire Enters Third Hour
- Cuba’s 300 Attack Drones Are Ready to Strike America — As Soon As the Power Comes Back On HAVANA
- Local Men Celebrate The Team Win with a Double Water
- Iran Asks If The Obama Deal Is Still On The Table, Reports The Regime Would Like New Pallet of Cash
- Actress Issues 11th Press Release About Her Private Retreat From Public Life
- Man Receives Notification Confirming He Opted Out Of Notifications
- iPhone Screen Time Report Adds Category Called 'Avoiding Responsibilities'
- Brake Job Estimate Requires Notary And Eleven Signatures
- State Department Retaliates Against China By Renaming Xi Jinping 'Steve'
- California Democrats Announce Preference for Cardboard Cutouts as Opposed to Real People
- Meeting That Should Have Been Email Scheduled For Follow-Up Meeting
- Local Woman Tells Husband She Is Fine For Seventh Time This Week