Archive, page 3

Older stories from Below Average News.

• Silicon Valley AI Startup Raises 400 Million To Solve Lack Of Pronouns In Source Code
• Stacey Abrams for Shadow Governor: Because Regular Governor Comes With Pesky Laws and Audits
• Gen Alpha Kids Refuse To Learn Handwriting Because 'Cursive Is A Tool Of Colonial Legibility'
• Local Man Self-Diagnoses With Andes Virus After Smart Scale Tells Him He's Gained 0.4 Pounds
• Parent Group Chat Demands Answers After One Mom Says She Is Simply Not Bringing Snacks
• New Institutional Study Finds Gavin Newsom's Performance Best Described As 'Performance'
• Why Your New Refrigerator Now Requires A Monthly Subscription To Keep Food Cold
• 'DICE,' 'LICE,' and 'MICE' All Shot Down as Potential New Names for Immigration and Customs Enforcement
• Artificial Actors With Artificial Body Parts Wearing Artificial Costumes Up In Arms About Artificial Intelligence
• Parenting Group Chat Explodes Into 87 Messages After Mom Asks Pickup Time—Same as Every Day for 14 Months
• GOP Lawmakers Deploy Jedi Mind Trick 'These Aren't The Bills You're Looking For' Only To Realize Senate Has Passed Zero Legislation Since 2025
• Judge Reportedly Offers WHCA Shooter Tee Time, Family Dinner, And Daughter's Number After Admiring Footwork.
• Kamala Harris Campaign Staffers Begin Quietly Replacing '2028' Yard Signs With 'Please Don't Make Me Do This Again'
• SNL UK Cancels American Guest Host After He pronounces 'Schedule' Correctly, Calling It 'Cultural Imperialism'
• NFL Announces New 'Social Justice' Sack Rule Requiring Defensive Linemen To Apologize Before Celebrating
• Voyager 1's Final Message Before Shutdown: 'You People Still Don't Have Fusion?'
• Liberal Media Host Explains Iran War Timeline Using Only Clips Of Trump Saying Mean Things About Obama
• Self-Checkout Machine Accuses Regular Customer Of 'Unexpected Item In Bagging Area' For The 1,247th Time
• Local Dad Cites New 'Golden Orb' Study To Justify Buying $800 Underwater Drone For Lakehouse
• HOA Board Sends Third Passive-Aggressive Letter This Month Regarding 'Unapproved Shade of mulch'
• Instagram BANS BAN for Unspecified 'Violation' OF Community Standards In Under 24 Hrs - That was Quick
• Parenting Group Chat Demands 14-Item Themed Snack List For Tuesday's Soccer Practice At 6:00 AM
• Pope Leo XIV Confesses to Jimmy Kimmel: "The Most Truthful Man Alive"
• Unable To Afford Full Price for Half-Off Shoes, Consumers Create Knock-offs With Leftover Face Masks
• Kimmel’s Nose Grows Live On Air While Claiming “I’m the Bastion of Truth” and Defending Melania Widow Jab
• Reply-All Apocalypse Claims 187 Victims After Marketing Coordinator Accidentally Hits 'Send' On 14MB Birthday Invitation PDF
• Iranian Regime Stays Up All Night Binge-Watching “Get Smart” After Trump’s Truth Social Post
• FDA Approves Revolutionary New Anxiety Medication That Works Only If You Never Check Your Phone Again
• Indicted Comey Insists He ‘Just Found’ the 8647 Shells – FBI Under Him ‘Just Found’ Reasons to Spy on Trump Campaign 24/7
• Parents Beg For NYPD Protection After Mamdani Replaces Cops With Trained DEI Mediators
• Award Show Introduces New Category for ‘Most Sincere Political Speech Nobody Watched’
• Top Democrats Totally Mystified by Complaints About Violent Rhetoric
• Attendees at White House Correspondents’ Dinner Hear Gunshots, Realize It Was Just Hunter Biden Demanding His Cocaine Back
• Local Man’s WebMD Spiral Ends With Self-Diagnosis of ‘Probably Everything’
• Local Man Insists His Fantasy Football League Is 'Extremely Competitive' While Checking Trade Offers During His Daughter's Recital
• Liberal Influencer Reports Common Habit Of 'Having Kids' Quietly Increases Likelihood Of Toxic Masculinity
• FDA Approves First Gene Therapy For Hearing Loss That Only Works If You Stop Listening To CNN
• California Passes Law Requiring All Electric Vehicles To Make Crying Sounds When They Pass Gas Stations
• Woke Hollywood Horrified as David Spade Discovers Old Loophole Called ‘The First Amendment'
• Trump Vows to Make Military Travel Great Again by Shipping Troops on Bankrupt Spirit Airlines, Renames It Freedom Airlines