Recent Articles

  • No Kings Protesters Fine With Mamdani Crowning Himself King After Hearing About Free Buses
  • Republicans Lose Senate, Re-Elect Same Leader To See If He Can Do It Again
  • Wife Files, Then Cancels, Missing-Person Report After Husband's 'Quick Trip' To Home Depot
  • Vikings Defense Files Union Grievance Against Own Offense, Demands Overtime And Hazard Pay
  • Bernie Sanders, 85, Calls For New Generation Of Democratic Leaders, Suggests Someone In Their Late 70s
  • Bernie Sanders Defines 'Billionaire' As Anyone With More Than Three Homes
  • Woman Scrolls Past Blogger's Entire Life Story To Reach Turkey Recipe, Is Now 65
  • Cowboys Ask NFL To Eliminate Fourth Quarter
  • Wall Street Traders Hold Moment Of Silence As Pelosi Prepares To Retire
  • Talarico Begins Senate Orientation By Flipping Tables In Cafeteria
  • Austin Voters Overwhelmingly Choose To Keep Not Knowing Where $6.6 Billion Went
  • Rachel Maddow Promises 'Quick Bit Of Background' At Book Event; Three Audience Members Turn 100 Before She Gets To The Point
  • Newsom Lists Empty Death Row Cells As Luxury Studios, Undercutting San Francisco Rents By Nearly $3,000
  • Rosie O'Donnell Prepares To End Exile In Ireland After Regime She Fled Allows Midterm Elections
  • Yale Unveils Plan To Fight Grade Inflation By Creating A New Grade Above A
  • CBS Declares Navy SEAL Quit Bell A Historic Victory For Women
  • House Democrats Vow To Ban Stock Trading Starting Next Week, Then Stampede Out Of Classified Briefing To Call Their Brokers
  • House Democrats Unveil Bold New Generation Of Leaders Who Ask Reporters Not To Look Too Closely At Their Mustaches
  • AOC Demands We Get Money Out Of Politics From Atop Scrooge McDuck Vault Of $38 Million In Campaign Cash
  • Abdul El-Sayed Nationalizes His Own Victory Party, Guests Wait Six Hours In Line For Shrimp Ration
  • Iowa Governor-Elect Rob Sand Celebrates Win By Carving Corn Maze Of His Own Face, Gets Lost In His Own Ear For Three Days
  • Every House Democrat Sure They Single-Handedly Won The Majority, Victory Speech Now Being Delivered By Entire Caucus Into One Microphone
  • Former Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms Wins Georgia, Routes Entire State Through Hartsfield-Jackson, Georgians Now Need Boarding Pass To Enter Macon
  • Texas Governor-Elect Gina Hinojosa Starts Victory Lap Around State On Foot, Hitchhikes Home From Fort Stockton In Cattle Truck
  • Whitmer Locks Down Michigan Polls Over Alarming Spike In Republicans, Will Reopen At 2 AM For Essential Ballots Only
  • Harvard Students Occupy Polling Place, Demand It Divest From Voting
  • Seattle City Council Abolishes Line At Polling Place As Inequitable, Everyone Now Votes At Once In A Large Pile
  • Joe Biden Shows Up To Vote, Proudly Casts Ballot For Himself In 1972 Senate Race
  • Barbra Streisand Clones Her Dog 4,000 More Times To Knock On Doors For House Democrats
  • Hochul Taxes Every Wing At Buffalo Sports Bar During Bills Game, By The Fourth Quarter The Bar Has Moved To Florida