Recent Articles

  • Bernie Sanders Defines 'Billionaire' As Anyone With More Than Three Homes
  • Woman Scrolls Past Blogger's Entire Life Story To Reach Turkey Recipe, Is Now 65
  • Cowboys Ask NFL To Eliminate Fourth Quarter
  • Wall Street Traders Hold Moment Of Silence As Pelosi Prepares To Retire
  • Talarico Begins Senate Orientation By Flipping Tables In Cafeteria
  • Austin Voters Overwhelmingly Choose To Keep Not Knowing Where $6.6 Billion Went
  • Rachel Maddow Promises 'Quick Bit Of Background' At Book Event; Three Audience Members Turn 100 Before She Gets To The Point
  • Newsom Lists Empty Death Row Cells As Luxury Studios, Undercutting San Francisco Rents By Nearly $3,000
  • Rosie O'Donnell Prepares To End Exile In Ireland After Regime She Fled Allows Midterm Elections
  • Yale Unveils Plan To Fight Grade Inflation By Creating A New Grade Above A
  • CBS Declares Navy SEAL Quit Bell A Historic Victory For Women
  • House Democrats Vow To Ban Stock Trading Starting Next Week, Then Stampede Out Of Classified Briefing To Call Their Brokers
  • House Democrats Unveil Bold New Generation Of Leaders Who Ask Reporters Not To Look Too Closely At Their Mustaches
  • AOC Demands We Get Money Out Of Politics From Atop Scrooge McDuck Vault Of $38 Million In Campaign Cash
  • Abdul El-Sayed Nationalizes His Own Victory Party, Guests Wait Six Hours In Line For Shrimp Ration
  • Iowa Governor-Elect Rob Sand Celebrates Win By Carving Corn Maze Of His Own Face, Gets Lost In His Own Ear For Three Days
  • Every House Democrat Sure They Single-Handedly Won The Majority, Victory Speech Now Being Delivered By Entire Caucus Into One Microphone
  • Former Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms Wins Georgia, Routes Entire State Through Hartsfield-Jackson, Georgians Now Need Boarding Pass To Enter Macon
  • Texas Governor-Elect Gina Hinojosa Starts Victory Lap Around State On Foot, Hitchhikes Home From Fort Stockton In Cattle Truck
  • Whitmer Locks Down Michigan Polls Over Alarming Spike In Republicans, Will Reopen At 2 AM For Essential Ballots Only
  • Harvard Students Occupy Polling Place, Demand It Divest From Voting
  • Seattle City Council Abolishes Line At Polling Place As Inequitable, Everyone Now Votes At Once In A Large Pile
  • Joe Biden Shows Up To Vote, Proudly Casts Ballot For Himself In 1972 Senate Race
  • Barbra Streisand Clones Her Dog 4,000 More Times To Knock On Doors For House Democrats
  • Hochul Taxes Every Wing At Buffalo Sports Bar During Bills Game, By The Fourth Quarter The Bar Has Moved To Florida
  • Angie Nixon Floats To Cuba On Flamingo Pool Toy To See If It's A Dictatorship, Passes Raft Full Of Cubans Paddling The Other Way
  • Iowa Democrat Sets Out To Find Southern Border With Sled Dogs, Pith Helmet And DNC Map Marked 'Here Be Dragons'
  • Democrats' $4 Million Anti-AI Ad Accidentally Stars Grandma Who Is Clearly Six Toasters In A Cardigan
  • Brandon Johnson Campaign Defends Photocopied Petition Signatures As Proof Chicagoans Love Him So Much They Signed Twice
  • Democratic Operatives Who Combed Alaska For Every Man Named Dan Sullivan Insist They Were Just Planning A Big Family Reunion